LONELY HEARTS Chronicles of singles in the heartlands
LOVE is as elusive as Osama Bin Laden. You know how it looks like, you yearn to catch it and you heard about it just like everyone else but just cannot find it anywhere you go. Love is a connection with someone of the opposite sex on an intimate and spiritual level. Symptoms include thinking of each other when apart to a zing in the heart when they meet.
▲In sunny Singapore, being alone can be excruciating to the point of being cursed. An adult will only be freed from jibes and cleansed once marriage is blessed on them. Singletons over 30s are frowned upon, regarded as discarded goods after 40 and condemned after 50.
▲Female virgins are hotly contested commodities in the singles community but it can work against them when 30 looms, depreciating as more years claw by while prospects turns their backs on the much awaited hymen bleeding performance, deciding to catch a newer show in town. Keeping the doors shut has never been a good thing when theater goers are few and far in between. 40 year-old virgins are usually placed in the windows of dating agencies as giveaways.
▲Having dinner alone in this country is like going to battle, hear me out on this. “Table for one” sounded like a string of vulgarities for some reason as this waitress, whose face tightens up and scowled, “This way!” as she ushers me into the restaurant. Maybe they are used to dishing out two menus at once, an unused menu means returning it at the entrance. Same demeanor goes to scooping up the unused cutlery on a table set for two. MY EYES ROLLED. Why don’t they take away the empty chair as well? An empty seat means one less paying customer while supplying the same amount of service may not bode well for restaurants. Should I make up for it by eating for two?
▲Placing my food order can be daunting as I am alone against wait staff that eats singles, like me for breakfast. Bad service often goes un-punished simply because we have no witness to these sightings. The right to ask food related question are also revoked when dinning for one, wait staff ignores me while nodding and looking away. I'll bet set lunches & dinner specials are custom-made for singles who want no troubles when ordering.
▲There is also the public execution when dinning out ALONE. I will certainly make a good dinner conversation topic and it would go something like this. Boy: Look at that guy, eating all alone in a restaurant! Girl: Oh, poor thing. No one wants to eat with him? Not like us, so lovey-dovey. AHEM, I would of course like to retort with all my might but it is part and parcel of single lifestyle.
▲There are however advantages to eating alone, if you believed me. Like tired of deciding where to eat? Singaporeans say “EAT WHAT?” No need to worry about table manners and nonsensical small talk leading to nowhere. The best part - Remember those times when getting the waiter’s attention is like signaling for a passing helicopter while lost in the wilderness. A ‘single’ table sticks out like a sore thumb - Before I can raise my hand, a waiter is on hand to attend my service request. When leaving the restaurant, could have sworn that I heard a collective sign of relieve. They must be celebrating away with blowing trumpets and clanging glasses of wine.
▲I did not turn back but promise myself to be back again. Tomorrow it is!
LOVE is as elusive as Osama Bin Laden. You know how it looks like, you yearn to catch it and you heard about it just like everyone else but just cannot find it anywhere you go. Love is a connection with someone of the opposite sex on an intimate and spiritual level. Symptoms include thinking of each other when apart to a zing in the heart when they meet.
▲In sunny Singapore, being alone can be excruciating to the point of being cursed. An adult will only be freed from jibes and cleansed once marriage is blessed on them. Singletons over 30s are frowned upon, regarded as discarded goods after 40 and condemned after 50.
▲Female virgins are hotly contested commodities in the singles community but it can work against them when 30 looms, depreciating as more years claw by while prospects turns their backs on the much awaited hymen bleeding performance, deciding to catch a newer show in town. Keeping the doors shut has never been a good thing when theater goers are few and far in between. 40 year-old virgins are usually placed in the windows of dating agencies as giveaways.
▲Having dinner alone in this country is like going to battle, hear me out on this. “Table for one” sounded like a string of vulgarities for some reason as this waitress, whose face tightens up and scowled, “This way!” as she ushers me into the restaurant. Maybe they are used to dishing out two menus at once, an unused menu means returning it at the entrance. Same demeanor goes to scooping up the unused cutlery on a table set for two. MY EYES ROLLED. Why don’t they take away the empty chair as well? An empty seat means one less paying customer while supplying the same amount of service may not bode well for restaurants. Should I make up for it by eating for two?
▲Placing my food order can be daunting as I am alone against wait staff that eats singles, like me for breakfast. Bad service often goes un-punished simply because we have no witness to these sightings. The right to ask food related question are also revoked when dinning for one, wait staff ignores me while nodding and looking away. I'll bet set lunches & dinner specials are custom-made for singles who want no troubles when ordering.
▲There is also the public execution when dinning out ALONE. I will certainly make a good dinner conversation topic and it would go something like this. Boy: Look at that guy, eating all alone in a restaurant! Girl: Oh, poor thing. No one wants to eat with him? Not like us, so lovey-dovey. AHEM, I would of course like to retort with all my might but it is part and parcel of single lifestyle.
▲There are however advantages to eating alone, if you believed me. Like tired of deciding where to eat? Singaporeans say “EAT WHAT?” No need to worry about table manners and nonsensical small talk leading to nowhere. The best part - Remember those times when getting the waiter’s attention is like signaling for a passing helicopter while lost in the wilderness. A ‘single’ table sticks out like a sore thumb - Before I can raise my hand, a waiter is on hand to attend my service request. When leaving the restaurant, could have sworn that I heard a collective sign of relieve. They must be celebrating away with blowing trumpets and clanging glasses of wine.
▲I did not turn back but promise myself to be back again. Tomorrow it is!
0 comments:
Post a Comment